Today, I thought I would continue the same line of thought of one of my previous posts. States do indeed have stupid nicknames, and I decided that it was time to make fun of them some more.
Seriously, California! What are you thinking? The GOLD state??? I know you've got that whole "gold rush" thing, but you are not better than me! I don't care if you're still a really damn skinny state! You think that all gold is good? Pssh. More like Gaudy! Maybe you should have Mardi Gras celebrations there...Or rather, GAUDY Gras!!!
Arkansas, you creep me out! You're a big state, and all you can think of is the Toothpick State? Seriously? It just makes you come off as being so slimy and creepy! Would you like a greasy slick=back hairstyle to go with that sleeze? Like, is that all you can come up with? I mean, I know that there isn't a whole lot going on there, and the state is pretty much a WASTELAND....but seriously. Why not go with that? The Bum-Fuck Nowhere State. Or maybe The Wasteland State. How about the Filled With Hicks State? Any of these would have been more appropriate descriptions. You disappoint me, Arkansas. If your nickname has to suck, you could at least make it informational. Show a little initiative!
Arizona, you make me sad. I know you may not think very highly about yourself, but surely you can aspire to something better than copper? Think about it. That's basically what pennies are made of. You're basically the PENNY state, and given that people practically just throw pennies away, you're definitely coming off as being really damn useless! I know that you're pretty much a desert, but have a little pride! How about calling yourself the "Desert State" or the "Dehydration State" or "Not Quite As Awesome as Texas, but Definitely Better Than Oklahoma State" or something equally descriptive? That would definitely make more CENTS to me! Get it? Sense, Cents! Hahaha. I crack me up!
Midnight sunlight is not a good thing, Alaska! Also, you also have days of NO sun! So why not call yourself the No Sun-Days State? Or maybe something a little more informationaly accurate, like "The All Day Sun and No Sun-Day State." Also, the whole sun/no sun thing does not make you special. Plenty of places in the world have days when the sun doesn't rise or doesn't set. You just THINK you're special because those crazy Eskimos of yours are the only ones that are crazy enough to LIVE all the way the hell up there, just a stone's throw away from the Arctic Circle!
Also, you look like you have some sort of strange malformed lump growing between your legs. Weirdo.
Now Comment! COMMENT NOW! Because I said so! =p