More State Nicknames are Long Overdue!

For those of you who have not been around here long, the other State Nickname posts can be found here, here, here, here, and here.... Hey, there may be a lot of posts, but think about it.  There are lots of states!

 

Listen, Louisiana.  I don't know what's up with you and Pelicans, but maybe you shouldn't go around telling all the other states about your strange fetishes.  I mean....you even have a bunch of Pelicans on your state flag! Seriously, you are disturbing.  Also, if you ever sick your pelicans on me, I will ensure that they are doused in teriyaki sauce and eaten for dinner.  Owned.

Maine, I know that you are really far north, but you are not the northernmost state, and therefore are not the most Christmasy state.  Clearly, that is Alaska.  You are fail.  Also, isn't that where all the fisherman live?  What does fishing and the sea have to do with Pine Trees? Hmm?  You need to work on making a little more sense!

Maryland, I can understand why you might be such a cheap date, seeing as of how you are such a messed up shape.  But you need to buck up and work on that self esteem!  Give yourself a little more credit.  You're worth more than free!  But remember! Free does not equal Priceless! I'll give you $10 for a night on the town!  That's more than 10x what you charged before! Lucky you!

 

Oh, Massachusetts.  Who named you after some baked beans?  And what gives you the impression that anyone would think that you AREN'T stinky with a name like that!  Haven't you ever heard the popular tune about farting and beans? Beans, beans, they're good for your heart. The more you eat them, the more you fart!  Obviously you did not get the memo.  Consider yourself informed.

States States States

 

Indiana, I am sorry, but seriously... WTF?  You are confusing.  You don't want to call your inhabitants Indians, so you make up a word?  Really?  That is plain pathetic.  Seriously.

.....It's just kinda sad.  You need some friends, Indiana.  And I won't be one of them!....Although I will concede that your costume is pretty awesome.

 Iowa, you do not have keen vision.  You were named after an Indian War Chief.  Get your stories right!  Maybe you should go make friends with Indiana, and he can tell you a little more about it, since he seems so interested in it.  Also, if you're the HAWKeye state, why does your flag have an Eagle on it? Hmmmm?  That is just silly.

 Kansas, if all you have to say for yourself is that you grow wheat, you should probably not say anything at all.  I'm sure you're filled with whole-grain cheerio-loving, beer-drinking, wheat bread eating freaks, but the rest of the world does not want to know. Seriously.  Get with the program.  Why not a name that plays homage to a certain famous quote?  The "No-Place-Like-Home State," or...
The Ruby Red Slipper State."  That last one would certainly be popular with your gay communities.  Maybe you should think about that.

Kentucky, Kentucky, Kentucky....I worry for you sometimes.  I am sorry, but despite the colorful name, there really is NO SUCH THINGS as BLUE grass.  Grass is green.  See, that's because grass is a plant, and (like most plants) it is filled with lots of GREEN chlorophyll!  I know it seems kind of crazy, but this means that grass is green.  ALL grass.  There is no freak mutant version of grass that is blue....even if you really wish there was because you are also a freak mutant of some sort.

Time For Another Dose of State Nicknames

I know that it has been a long while since I've done a REAL post. But to be honest, I am just too distracted to be creative. So today you guys are getting another does of State Nicknames....because after all, I don't have to make up the nicknames. I just pick the funniest one, and make fun of it from there. So....here you go. Enjoy.

Georgia, you need some help. First of all, if you insist on naming yourself after something edible, could you pick something less ambiguous? Peach is a fruit and a color. Which one is it? Hmmm, Georgia? Are you that obnoxious fruit that I can't stand that has a ginormous pit in the middle, or are you that hideous color that was an oh-so-popular paint color in the 80's? Either way you need to get back up to date with the rest of the world. Being in the down south is not an excuse to be out of touch, Georgia!

Hawaii, I don't know why you picked pineapples of all things to be your namesake.  Think about all the other wonderful, awesome, cool, tropically things that you have going for you?  How about "The Island State," or "The Surfing State," or "The Scuba State," or "The Volcano State"...or better yet!  How about you pick something informative?  Like...."The I Want To Be Original So I Name Everything With As Many Vowels As I Can Manage"....yeah... THAT, at least would be useful!

Idaho, you confuse me.  Weren't Potatoes originally an Irish thing?  Seriously, Idaho, pick something that hasn't already been taken!  Also, if you don't care about stealing other people's ideas, then why not pick something awesome? ...Like...."The Kick-Ass State"....not that you are...but you get the idea. 

I'm starting to notice a theme here.  There are a lot of states out there that apparently think that their produce make them significant and special.  Seriously, people, get a grip!  Illinois, surely you can do better than this.  If you want to talk about food, talk about your awesome Chicago pizza!  Also, this picture makes it look like the corn is wearing a big, green, loose diaper.  All I have to say to that, Illinois, is "ewww."  Also, what's with the whole silent "s" thing?  You aren't French.  We pronounce the ends of words here in the U.S.

I was thinking about doing more states today because I haven't done too many real posts this week..... but my states posts ALWAYS have four states.....I like the number four.  It's my favorite number....Anyways, it wasn't intentional that they all had the same number of states, but now that I've noticed, I can't just go changing things! =p

See you all tomorrow, folks!

It's Too Late to be Creative, so Here Are Some More States

I hate to be the one to break it to you, Florida, but nobody likes you. Being disgustingly sunny does not help you at all. You just ended up filled with wrinkly old people who don't like cold, and (during spring break) snotty teenage brats that can't seem to keep their pants on. We all know you're just jealous of The Land of the Midnight Sun. I know it's hard to accept that you aren't the as awesome as you think. But, well, I think it's time for you to get real, and be honest with yourself.

Also, you're shaped like something that is a little more graphic and pg-13 than I want this blog to be. You know what I'm talking about!



Wow, Delaware. Just.....wow. I think I died inside a little when i read that your nickname is the Blue Hen State. That is so fantastically pathetic that it's ALMOST interesting. Almost. But not quite.

....Also, the rainbow called, it wants its blue back.



Connecticut, you bore me to tears. The best description you can give is that you have steady habits? Big deal! My DOG has steady habits! Is that what you are, Connecticut? Are you a dog? Because if you are, you are a really stupid dog. I mean, who the hell wants a dog that isn't soft, and fuzzy, and filled with happy slobbery doggy kisses? Hmm? Are you filled with happy slobbery doggy kisses? I didn't think so.



Colorado, who do you think you're kidding? You are fooling no one. You are, unfortunately, as gay as they come. That is all there is to it Mr. Rainbow-licious. Of course, the other possibility is that you are simply trying to compensate for your boring perfectly rectangular shape. I know you're just jealous of more geographically interesting states, like Texas, or California. It's alright, I forgive you.

Seriously, State Nicknames Really are Stupid!

Today, I thought I would continue the same line of thought of one of my previous posts. States do indeed have stupid nicknames, and I decided that it was time to make fun of them some more.



Seriously, California! What are you thinking? The GOLD state??? I know you've got that whole "gold rush" thing, but you are not better than me! I don't care if you're still a really damn skinny state! You think that all gold is good? Pssh. More like Gaudy! Maybe you should have Mardi Gras celebrations there...Or rather, GAUDY Gras!!!



Arkansas, you creep me out! You're a big state, and all you can think of is the Toothpick State? Seriously? It just makes you come off as being so slimy and creepy! Would you like a greasy slick=back hairstyle to go with that sleeze? Like, is that all you can come up with? I mean, I know that there isn't a whole lot going on there, and the state is pretty much a WASTELAND....but seriously. Why not go with that? The Bum-Fuck Nowhere State. Or maybe The Wasteland State. How about the Filled With Hicks State? Any of these would have been more appropriate descriptions. You disappoint me, Arkansas. If your nickname has to suck, you could at least make it informational. Show a little initiative!



Arizona, you make me sad. I know you may not think very highly about yourself, but surely you can aspire to something better than copper? Think about it. That's basically what pennies are made of. You're basically the PENNY state, and given that people practically just throw pennies away, you're definitely coming off as being really damn useless! I know that you're pretty much a desert, but have a little pride! How about calling yourself the "Desert State" or the "Dehydration State" or "Not Quite As Awesome as Texas, but Definitely Better Than Oklahoma State" or something equally descriptive? That would definitely make more CENTS to me! Get it? Sense, Cents! Hahaha. I crack me up!



Midnight sunlight is not a good thing, Alaska! Also, you also have days of NO sun! So why not call yourself the No Sun-Days State? Or maybe something a little more informationaly accurate, like "The All Day Sun and No Sun-Day State." Also, the whole sun/no sun thing does not make you special. Plenty of places in the world have days when the sun doesn't rise or doesn't set. You just THINK you're special because those crazy Eskimos of yours are the only ones that are crazy enough to LIVE all the way the hell up there, just a stone's throw away from the Arctic Circle!

Also, you look like you have some sort of strange malformed lump growing between your legs. Weirdo.

Now Comment! COMMENT NOW! Because I said so! =p

States Have Stupid Nicknames

Apparently states have slogans, motto's, and nicknames. Why, I ask you, do states need nicknames? Just in case it's not hard enough to remember all 50 of their ACTUAL names, let's see if we can list off their nicknames too!

In addition to that, they have MULTIPLE nicknames. AND most states have OFFICIAL nicknames. I'm sorry, but unnofficial-ness is the very nature of a nickname. Once it becomes official, it is a name. States, you need to drop the nicknames. And until you do, I am going to make fun of you.



I'm sorry, Wyoming. You are stupid. Texas cowboys = awesome. Wyoming cowboys = gay. It's true. I'm pretty sure I saw something about it in this movie called Brokeback Mountain. You should go watch it.



What are you thinking, Wisconsin? You may have truly exceptionally cheese, but who wants to name themselves after such a quality? This is very silly. This means you are yellow and full of holes.



I love you, Texas. You are a very big state, with lots of different areas. You are practically your own country. But you are not alone, Texas. Stop moping, and get over yourself. Make a few friends! I'm sure that New Mexico would like to get to know you better.



Alabama, you are not fluffy. Also, you have a stupid nickname. Way to move past your dodgy pre-civil war past! I'm sure that the NAACP is your friend. I know that I would be!



....and that is all for now. I have more drawings to do.

Comment, people! So I know that I'm still being funny!