Saturday, September 4, 2010

How to Remove a Lazy Monster

There are several different methods for removing a Lazy Monster. Some are easier than others, and some are more reliable.

Method 1

Step 1

Determine if your monster is, in fact, a Lazy Monster. Lazy Monsters can often be confused with Procrastination Pests, Sloth Beasts, and Nap Monsters. It is important to know which one of these vermin you are dealing with. Here is an approximation of what these creatures look like, to help you determine what you are dealing with.

The Procrastination Pest is nothing like the Lazy Monster, but because of their similar effects, they are often confused. The Procrastination Pest is a bright color, often yellow, and has many tentacles which he wiggles to move. He uses distraction techniques to prevent you from completing important tasks at hand. Once he has an eye on you, it's very hard to escape his notice, and very hard to drag your attention away from them!

Sloth Beasts LOOK similar to Lazy Monsters. They don't stop you from doing things, or suck out your energy. They just make you do everything REALLY SLOOOOOOOWWWWW. Note the large eyes. Sloth Beasts use this to mesmerize you.

Nap Monsters are similar in color and effect to the Lazy Monster, but they are unique from the others in that they actually have legs.... not that they ever use them!

Step 2

Once you have determined that you do, in fact have a Lazy Monster, you must find a DEADLINE. This can be very hard to do when you still have the Lazy Monster attached, but it must be done. Locate and sneak up on a DEADLINE. Impending DEADLINES are best!

Step 3

You must catch the DEADLINE, and RESHAPE it into some sort of Spatula or scraping device. This is most easily done when the Lazy Monster is taking a nap. If it is awake, it may begin to suck your energy out more quickly, rendering you unable to move.

Step 4

Scrape off your Lazy Monster!

This is the most reliable, but certainly the most difficult method.

Method 2

Take a nap while your Lazy Monster is sleeping. Unfortunately, this method requires you to use the only time of day you can be productive to do nothing, but without you to supply energy, the Lazy Monster slides right off when he naps! This is a moderately reliable method. The problem with it is that if it is unsuccessful, you will be unable to be productive until the next time the Lazy Monster decides to take a nap.

The tricky part to the method is to wake up before the Lazy Monster can wake up and reattach itself!

Method 3

Distract it with Chocolate!

This is an effective method, and an easy method, but requires you to locate, open, and willing sacrifice a chocolate bar!

Method 4

Wait him out. Eventually, your Lazy Monster will either suck you dry, or get bored, and move on of its own accord. This is the easiest method, but also has the farthest reaching consequences on your social life and work ethic.

Congratulations, you are free from your Lazy Monster!!!

Now go take a break! You deserve it! =)

1 comment:

  1. This is incredibly inventive. I enjoyed reading it very much. You could easily expand something like this into a kids book. Unless, of course, the Lazy Monster gets you!