Wednesday, September 8, 2010

It's Too Late to be Creative, so Here Are Some More States

I hate to be the one to break it to you, Florida, but nobody likes you. Being disgustingly sunny does not help you at all. You just ended up filled with wrinkly old people who don't like cold, and (during spring break) snotty teenage brats that can't seem to keep their pants on. We all know you're just jealous of The Land of the Midnight Sun. I know it's hard to accept that you aren't the as awesome as you think. But, well, I think it's time for you to get real, and be honest with yourself.

Also, you're shaped like something that is a little more graphic and pg-13 than I want this blog to be. You know what I'm talking about!

Wow, Delaware. I think I died inside a little when i read that your nickname is the Blue Hen State. That is so fantastically pathetic that it's ALMOST interesting. Almost. But not quite.

....Also, the rainbow called, it wants its blue back.

Connecticut, you bore me to tears. The best description you can give is that you have steady habits? Big deal! My DOG has steady habits! Is that what you are, Connecticut? Are you a dog? Because if you are, you are a really stupid dog. I mean, who the hell wants a dog that isn't soft, and fuzzy, and filled with happy slobbery doggy kisses? Hmm? Are you filled with happy slobbery doggy kisses? I didn't think so.

Colorado, who do you think you're kidding? You are fooling no one. You are, unfortunately, as gay as they come. That is all there is to it Mr. Rainbow-licious. Of course, the other possibility is that you are simply trying to compensate for your boring perfectly rectangular shape. I know you're just jealous of more geographically interesting states, like Texas, or California. It's alright, I forgive you.


  1. Interesting fact, Florida (despite being the sunshine state) is actually the lightning strike capitol of the world. Wouldn't that imply that it is actually raining there fairly often, i.e. lack of sunshine? I know I saw lots of rain while I was living there.

  2. Edit: Lightning capitol of the US.

  3. I literally laughed out loud reading about Connecticut! And I don't like Florida either...the drivers there are awful.

  4. This whole thing got me curious about state slogans. Check out this link:

    Wow, fertile ground for many Seinfeld moments.

  5. I've seen that list too, Dad! But I grab my nicknames from this list:

    Of course, I do pick the ones that are the funniest, not necessarily the most well known. Who knows, naybe I'll eventually get to the slogans! =)

  6. I was watching Jeopardy the other day and was able to impress all the lady friends with my excellent state nickname knowledge. You win 2 internets.

  7. I live in Florida, everyday in the summer it rains.

    Florida sucks balls anyway. Thanks for pointing that out. xD