Wednesday, September 8, 2010
It's Too Late to be Creative, so Here Are Some More States
I hate to be the one to break it to you, Florida, but nobody likes you. Being disgustingly sunny does not help you at all. You just ended up filled with wrinkly old people who don't like cold, and (during spring break) snotty teenage brats that can't seem to keep their pants on. We all know you're just jealous of The Land of the Midnight Sun. I know it's hard to accept that you aren't the as awesome as you think. But, well, I think it's time for you to get real, and be honest with yourself.
Also, you're shaped like something that is a little more graphic and pg-13 than I want this blog to be. You know what I'm talking about!
Wow, Delaware. Just.....wow. I think I died inside a little when i read that your nickname is the Blue Hen State. That is so fantastically pathetic that it's ALMOST interesting. Almost. But not quite.
....Also, the rainbow called, it wants its blue back.
Connecticut, you bore me to tears. The best description you can give is that you have steady habits? Big deal! My DOG has steady habits! Is that what you are, Connecticut? Are you a dog? Because if you are, you are a really stupid dog. I mean, who the hell wants a dog that isn't soft, and fuzzy, and filled with happy slobbery doggy kisses? Hmm? Are you filled with happy slobbery doggy kisses? I didn't think so.
Colorado, who do you think you're kidding? You are fooling no one. You are, unfortunately, as gay as they come. That is all there is to it Mr. Rainbow-licious. Of course, the other possibility is that you are simply trying to compensate for your boring perfectly rectangular shape. I know you're just jealous of more geographically interesting states, like Texas, or California. It's alright, I forgive you.