Thursday, August 26, 2010

10 Things I Didn't Want to Know About Men, but Learned Anyways

I have always related better to men than I do to women. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with other women. They have their own place. Their great for gabbing, watching girl movies with, painting nails, and planning weddings. But.....generally, I am not too terribly interested in being friends with very many girls. I have female friends, and trust me, the ones I have are more than enough!

The result of those opinions, is that I find myself being friends with a lot of guys. In fact, I LIVE with all boys. I share my home with my brother, Stephen. I also share my home with a guy named Kyle. I share my room with my Fiancé. I am constantly surrounded by men. Men are funny creatures. There are some things about them that I've learned as a result of long term association and shared spaces of habitation that I sincerely wish I didn't know. Seriously, men can be very disgusting sometimes. They can also be very surprising. They have strange habits. They have strange interests. They have strange interpretations of things that seem obvious to my female mind.

So here is my list of things that I didn't want to know about men, but learned anyways.

1. When men are hairy, they are REALLY hairy.

2. Cleaning the dishes after I cook means they'll do the dishes when the sink and counters are beyond overflowing.

3. Working screens (television, computer, laptop, portable gaming systems) invariably turn men into zombies.

4. Showers are only necessary when their girlfriend will no longer sit next to them because of the smell.

5. "Grown Up" decor includes mismatched bedding with a camouflage comforter, and posters of naked women.

6. No bed is ever long enough. Their feet will always hang over the edge.

7. For some reason, extra bottles of various types of soap in the shower stall can send them into a raging tantrum.

8. Men secretly enjoy your girlie reality tv shows.

9. Clothes are "clean" if they pass the smell test, and aren't too obviously stained... Actually, sometimes they're clean even if they reek, and they're covered with ketchup stains.

10. It's time to shave when small critters attempt to nest in their beards. This usually occurs about 7 days AFTER their girlfriends stop kissing them or stroking their faces because they're pokey.

....And that's it. No more drawings, because I am lazy, and tired of drawing men.


  1. 2 observations:

    #7 - so true. It's a defect in women.

    #4 - Men can be good groomers, but it takes time. Slooooowly learned over many years. By around age 45, most men are good groomers and smell OK, most of the time. It's a mystery how girls learn good grooming at such an early age.

  2. I would definitely say that number 3 is by far the most true...and I love the zombie face, ha ha.