Things That Distract me From Blogging

Dear Readers, you ALL need to go check out my friend Anshie!  She also is writing about distracting things today on her blog that is called "A Third World Mentality."  It is hilarious.  Go there!

...And on with today's post....




There are some things that are very distracting.  These things drag me away from you, dear readers, and maliciously attempt to prevent me from blogging for your enjoyment.  These things are so universally distracting that I may not post at all on some days.....and some of these things distract me from everything else as well!

They are all encompassing.  They hypnotize and brainwash me to do their bidding, sometimes leading me blindly into malicious circles of confusion and indulgence!  They strip away my identity, until I am left as nothing more than an empty shell....a puppet, dancing to the strings of my distraction.

There are many things that distract me.  These brainwashing obsessions take many forms.  Here are just a few of the things that try to take me away from you, dear readers! 

• Chocolate Cake - This is the single most distracting, all-encompassing thing out there.  It DEMANDS your attention with its delicious chocolatey smell.  It makes you wait for it to cool so it can be frosted, the whole time of which you spend sitting, obsessively watching it cool to an acceptable temperature.  THEN, you DEVOUR the biggest slice you can take from the cake while still behaving in a socially acceptable manner....and go back for more....and more....and more....until you've offended anyone else who wishes to partake in the cake eating, and consumed enough calories to last you for two days.  PLUS, it is especially unpleasant because after consuming the distraction, you find yourself unable to move for days while you nurse away the resulting food baby.

• Foot Rubs - These are exceedingly pleasant, but they render me incapable of any physical motion aside from breathing.  They turn me into a slack-jawed, pleasure seeking moron.....and when they stop?  The feet DEMAND MORE!

• Sophie - My sweet little puppy dog.  She may be 10 (and therefore, not actually a puppy).  She may be ornery.  She may be kinda crazy.  She may be exceedingly stupid at times.  But so help me, I have spent many an hour pampering her, and petting her, and loving her, playing with her, and obsessing over her....because she is just that damn cute.

(Shut up, Dogs are hard to draw, okay?)

• Project Runway - This one goes without saying.  My entire week is one long wait until the next episode, which I watch obsessively, and attentively.  I practically decapitate my roommate when he walks through the living room talking on the phone during this show.

• Making fun of Little Brother - Because, quite frankly, how could I ever resist?

• Cookies - Just as tasty and addictive as chocolate cake, but with only half the food baby!

• Yoga - Because we all know how well yoga works out for me....

 

Also, like I said earlier, you ALL need to go check out my friend Anshie!  She also is writing about distracting things today on her blog that is called "A Third World Mentality."  It is hilarious.  Go there!

Awkwardness Busters

Have any of you ever been in one of those situations when everybody goes silent, and something tells you that it is your own lack of tact or volume control might have possibly contributed to the awkwardness of the situation?

Like when you're at a party, and you're yelling so people can hear you over the music, and then the music stops and suddenly you're screaming at your neighbor in a vastly silent room filled with people.



And then you notice that everyone is looking at you, and not because you're wearing your sexy green dress. And then you're left awkwardly shuffling your feet, and coughing into your hands to discretely fill the silence you just created, but the whole time you feel like there's a big elephant in the room, floating above your head, reminding everyone of your social deficiencies. All the while, you can only think "STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!! THERE ISN'T AN ELEPHANT HERE! DON'T LOOK!!!"



But I have the solution! Next time you are in an awkward situation caused by your own social ineptitude, use my patented list of Awkwardness Busters!!!

1. Smile! Nobody likes a frownie pants!



2. You can also give somebody a cookie! People love cookies! If they refuse, don't take no for an answer! They're just testing you!



3. Talk about your dog, because everybody has dogs! Unless they have cats. But you don't really want to know those people anyways! =p

And that's all for now. Because I'm tired of drawing pictures.

Comment please. Because it makes me feel good. Everybody should help promote self esteem!