Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Wide World of Wedding Gowns

I have a job.  I didn't have a job last semester....or last summer.  Actually, it's been a long time since I've had a job.  But I have one now.  This is because now I have bills to pay.  This was not always the case.  Anyways, the reasons that I am supporting myself now are a story for another day.

Today, I would like to talk about my job as a Consultant in a Bridal Shop.

I sell wedding gowns. This may sound like a less-than-difficult task.  I knew from hours watching TLC's Say Yes to the Dress that it is a difficult job, in spite of what I might think from first glance.  It is far more difficult than I expected, even prepared as I was.  These difficulties are also a story for another day.

Instead, today I will talk about some of the parts of this job that I didn't expect.  Because this job was not what I was expecting!

Things About my Job that are Surprising

1) I spend the largest amount of time at my job helping girls put on wedding dresses, and taking them off.  This was not surprising.  The thing that surprised me is the number of women that will take off their shirt and bra without a second thought while I am there to assist them in dressing.  I have seen lots of boobs.  LOTS of boobs.  Of all sizes and levels of perkiness.  The sheer quantity of boobs I have seen since I started working as a bridal consultant is staggering.  Truly.  Staggering.

At first, I was surprised.

And then it happened again....

And again....

Until finally, I stopped noticing.  I stopped caring.  Now I wonder how boobs could ever have been considered sexual in nature.  They have become that much a part of my daily life.

2) I knew that I would be dressing girls.  I didn't realize how many of the dresses I would be working with have corset-backs.  They look like this:

I tie more of these in a typical day than preschool teachers tie shoe laces!

3) Apparently, nobody has any idea what constitutes appropriate undergarments when another person is going to be dressing them.

Please don't wear your sexy lingerie!

Black undergarments + White dress = FAIL

Save the thongs for your dress pants.  I have no desire to see your buttocks.

I'm only going to say this ONCE people!  Wear nude-colored undergarments, and a STRAPLESS bra!  it is not that hard!
Congratulations, You are not a Whore!

4) Apparently, some people think that $200 is enough money to buy a beautiful wedding gown that is BRAND NEW and completely undamaged.  You can't even manage that at (blugh) David's Bridal!  News flash, if you want anything on your dress AT ALL, expect to spend at LEAST $600.  If you spend less on one month's rent, you aren't spending enough!

....Also, I had more stuff to say about my job.  But I am bored of blogging now.  Also, I want to post this now.  So Viola.

Also, if you missed my last post, don't forget to read and comment on that one too!


  1. You can buy a dress from David's Bridal for $99...but it's going to be super plain.

    and when I tried on my dresses they put me in the strapless corset top and petticoat before even starting, so i was clothed and ready to go!

  2. lots of laces? dude there needs to be some ZIPPERS

  3. Haha, oh boy... I can't even imagine the bridezillas you have encountered. And I used to work at Macy's in the ready to wear, and saw waaaay too many elderly ladies in their underpants asking for sizes, etc. Eeek!

  4. Yeah, I remember wedding dress shopping with my wife. She forced me to watch a season of Say Yes to the Dress--I think mostly so I could cry a little when people dropped $6K on a dress.

    We got hers for around $600, so you were pretty much right on the money. Although, sometimes you can find great sales. Her dress was supposed to be on sale for $325, but I think we missed the sale day and they forgot to unmark it or something. I don't remember. That day was pretty much a blur.

  5. OH. MY. GOODNESS. Funniest thing I have ever read.
    Probably not the best thing to read while at work...I have gotten looks for laughing out loud. But oh well =D

  6. I am a huge fan of your blog. True story.

  7. "Congratulations, You are not a whore."

    That made my night. I can sleep peacefully now.